a little bit about myself

i've been learning a lot about myself lately, specifically when it comes to writing.
i have discovered that i have a VERY hard time writing something "assigned" or with a deadline if i have things going on in my personal life that i haven't released verbally or on paper. sometimes even if i've talked or vented about it, i still need to write it out and just let it go. i'm a very emotional person and my emotions get in the way easily.
i was recently trying to write an article for the children's newsletter at church but i couldn't focus on it or get inspiration to write it. it was about kids alive, which is now on my mind about 75% of the time (that percentage is rapidly rising!). i have known about the article for a week or two, but the deadline snuck up on me and so i found myself trying to force my mind into thinking about it and what i needed say instead of just letting it flow out. something that should have taken me 30 mins to write ended up taking me several days of jotting down thoughts/ideas and then about an hour to put them together and transition them. and i'm still not happy with it. it's now printed, but i'm not content about it.
i think i've put my finger on why it was so hard. every time i would go to work on the article (even a week in advance), my mind would want to write about the current "big deals" in my life and it wouldn't let me focus on what i told it to focus on. i would write one terrible sentence about kids alive and then either lose complete control of the pen and start word vomiting on paper or just stop writing altogether. it was really annoying and just made me mad to the point that i just blocked out the article until literally the very last minute.
i don't know why i didn't just let myself journal and write what i wanted/needed to (i think i told myself i didn't have time? or that it wasn't important or something. dumb.). things would have been so much less stressful if i would have just taken care of things in order. i see that now and will hopefully be able to take care of problems like this quicker in the future.


*this is the reason for so much time between my blog posts. if the things on my mind are too personal to post on here and i don't choose to just write or talk them out, i don't write for weeks at a time.