i'm thinking about deleting my blog. it's becoming overwhelming to me, meaning i feel like i have to post stuff but i never really post what i want to. i end up saying what i've been doing, what i will be doing and then not posting for weeks or months at a time. i'd rather use my blog as more of a place for an outlet of thoughts or ideas, but i can't get them out in a way that i'm comfortable with people reading. i have lots of things to say, but don't have the time to put them into well written form.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
back when i was in high school and college...
how is it already june??? seriously. when did that happen! kids alive is in a month and 10 days. this has been a major stress for me lately, especially with rima being in sudan right now- literally EVERYTHING is on my shoulders for this event to be successful. this is not what i was expecting when i "signed up". i'm honestly really happy to be doing kids alive this year and it's going to be great, but it's a whole lot to try to do on my own. the deadline is now in the foreseeable future, not just a date. it's getting to the point where there is no room to slack off and take a break from it. i have to focus my attention which is really hard to do right now. there is so much going on- finals, my best friend moving, the general excitement of summer (including jeff coming home, yay!), and the everyday things that don't tend to stop when i feel overwhelmed/stressed (aka work, school, random events etc).
i'm just excited to be done with june, get into the meat of july, and then be able to relax.
**last night was a ridiculously fun night filled with way too much laughter and complete insanity that i really needed and enjoyed :) [courtesy of beck, marianne, elisabeth, and melin (and of course claude...what a good fellow) also, i think some credit should go to the RIP pops man, shotgun!! men, and the "greetings" crew]
i'm just excited to be done with june, get into the meat of july, and then be able to relax.
**last night was a ridiculously fun night filled with way too much laughter and complete insanity that i really needed and enjoyed :) [courtesy of beck, marianne, elisabeth, and melin (and of course claude...what a good fellow) also, i think some credit should go to the RIP pops man, shotgun!! men, and the "greetings" crew]
Monday, May 12, 2008
a little bit about myself
i've been learning a lot about myself lately, specifically when it comes to writing.
i have discovered that i have a VERY hard time writing something "assigned" or with a deadline if i have things going on in my personal life that i haven't released verbally or on paper. sometimes even if i've talked or vented about it, i still need to write it out and just let it go. i'm a very emotional person and my emotions get in the way easily.
i was recently trying to write an article for the children's newsletter at church but i couldn't focus on it or get inspiration to write it. it was about kids alive, which is now on my mind about 75% of the time (that percentage is rapidly rising!). i have known about the article for a week or two, but the deadline snuck up on me and so i found myself trying to force my mind into thinking about it and what i needed say instead of just letting it flow out. something that should have taken me 30 mins to write ended up taking me several days of jotting down thoughts/ideas and then about an hour to put them together and transition them. and i'm still not happy with it. it's now printed, but i'm not content about it.
i think i've put my finger on why it was so hard. every time i would go to work on the article (even a week in advance), my mind would want to write about the current "big deals" in my life and it wouldn't let me focus on what i told it to focus on. i would write one terrible sentence about kids alive and then either lose complete control of the pen and start word vomiting on paper or just stop writing altogether. it was really annoying and just made me mad to the point that i just blocked out the article until literally the very last minute.
i don't know why i didn't just let myself journal and write what i wanted/needed to (i think i told myself i didn't have time? or that it wasn't important or something. dumb.). things would have been so much less stressful if i would have just taken care of things in order. i see that now and will hopefully be able to take care of problems like this quicker in the future.
*this is the reason for so much time between my blog posts. if the things on my mind are too personal to post on here and i don't choose to just write or talk them out, i don't write for weeks at a time.
i have discovered that i have a VERY hard time writing something "assigned" or with a deadline if i have things going on in my personal life that i haven't released verbally or on paper. sometimes even if i've talked or vented about it, i still need to write it out and just let it go. i'm a very emotional person and my emotions get in the way easily.
i was recently trying to write an article for the children's newsletter at church but i couldn't focus on it or get inspiration to write it. it was about kids alive, which is now on my mind about 75% of the time (that percentage is rapidly rising!). i have known about the article for a week or two, but the deadline snuck up on me and so i found myself trying to force my mind into thinking about it and what i needed say instead of just letting it flow out. something that should have taken me 30 mins to write ended up taking me several days of jotting down thoughts/ideas and then about an hour to put them together and transition them. and i'm still not happy with it. it's now printed, but i'm not content about it.
i think i've put my finger on why it was so hard. every time i would go to work on the article (even a week in advance), my mind would want to write about the current "big deals" in my life and it wouldn't let me focus on what i told it to focus on. i would write one terrible sentence about kids alive and then either lose complete control of the pen and start word vomiting on paper or just stop writing altogether. it was really annoying and just made me mad to the point that i just blocked out the article until literally the very last minute.
i don't know why i didn't just let myself journal and write what i wanted/needed to (i think i told myself i didn't have time? or that it wasn't important or something. dumb.). things would have been so much less stressful if i would have just taken care of things in order. i see that now and will hopefully be able to take care of problems like this quicker in the future.
*this is the reason for so much time between my blog posts. if the things on my mind are too personal to post on here and i don't choose to just write or talk them out, i don't write for weeks at a time.
Friday, May 9, 2008
matrimonia
the best way to answer the question, "what was your favorite part of your trip?" is to say, "oh, you know, the part where i got married..." [it gets better after that, depending on how well i know the person ;)] i've gotten some fun looks and some majorly confused people :)
so here's what happened. first of all, i blame everything on bailee and louis. and maybe [s]ack (he was in on some of the translation but i really can't blame him for anything).
anyway...it was the second day on the job site and there were several of us standing around talking to the kids and just having a good time. we were teaching each other words and stuff. it was honestly one of my favorite parts of the trip. so after maybe five minutes of this, 2 guys started walking over and tried to talk to us. of course, our spanish knowledge is minimal and their english knowledge is nonexistent, so it was very broken and confusing. we found out that their names were olman and louis. louis was trying to communicate the idea that olman liked me. bailee, being the only one of the two of us actually talking, decided that this was a good time to marry me off. thanks friend :)
so this is the part where i say "si." louis asked if i liked olman. now...it is pretty much impossible to explain in spanish the difference between liking someone as a friend/just liking them as a person in general and actually "liking" them. so all i really could say was yes. well apparently i should have said "no." louis then brought up the idea of "matrimonia" (for any nit-wits out there, that means MARRIAGE!!). and again, my lovely friend who apparently wants me to move away, have nine children and live in honduras for the rest of my life starts encouraging the idea of matrimonia! louis wanted to have the wedding that afternoon. bailee suggested tomorrow. again, thanks friend. you really saved my skin on that one! *note the sarcasm.
here's a picture of the little conversation...olman is in the hat and louis is hiding behind micah, trying to scheme with bailee. (*notice the smile on my face that says, "i'm going to kill you!" not, "thank you. this is fun...")
so that was pretty much the end of the conversation. we left it at "wedding tomorrow". to be honest though, i was worried and felt pretty bad about it all because that isn't extremely abnormal for their culture. i was a little bit scared that he would come the next day expecting something...thankfully he didn't. (BUT, i did have to explain to his parents at the end of the trip why i wasn't going to marry him. that was just awkward. i felt horrible.)
i obviously didn't get married on the trip, but i think i came just about as close as you can. i even picked who was going to be in the wedding and we had a bit of a bachelorette party in our hotel room/by the pool that night. [thank you Lord for this day!]
word spread about the marriage and i would see kids pointing and laughing or the kitchen ladies smiling at me whenever i turned around. it was pretty funny. my favorite lady "sign language" brought it up every day and would point at him then me and give me a hug :) she was great.
okay, that's all i got for this story. have fun with the comments :)
so here's what happened. first of all, i blame everything on bailee and louis. and maybe [s]ack (he was in on some of the translation but i really can't blame him for anything).
anyway...it was the second day on the job site and there were several of us standing around talking to the kids and just having a good time. we were teaching each other words and stuff. it was honestly one of my favorite parts of the trip. so after maybe five minutes of this, 2 guys started walking over and tried to talk to us. of course, our spanish knowledge is minimal and their english knowledge is nonexistent, so it was very broken and confusing. we found out that their names were olman and louis. louis was trying to communicate the idea that olman liked me. bailee, being the only one of the two of us actually talking, decided that this was a good time to marry me off. thanks friend :)
so this is the part where i say "si." louis asked if i liked olman. now...it is pretty much impossible to explain in spanish the difference between liking someone as a friend/just liking them as a person in general and actually "liking" them. so all i really could say was yes. well apparently i should have said "no." louis then brought up the idea of "matrimonia" (for any nit-wits out there, that means MARRIAGE!!). and again, my lovely friend who apparently wants me to move away, have nine children and live in honduras for the rest of my life starts encouraging the idea of matrimonia! louis wanted to have the wedding that afternoon. bailee suggested tomorrow. again, thanks friend. you really saved my skin on that one! *note the sarcasm.
here's a picture of the little conversation...olman is in the hat and louis is hiding behind micah, trying to scheme with bailee. (*notice the smile on my face that says, "i'm going to kill you!" not, "thank you. this is fun...")
so that was pretty much the end of the conversation. we left it at "wedding tomorrow". to be honest though, i was worried and felt pretty bad about it all because that isn't extremely abnormal for their culture. i was a little bit scared that he would come the next day expecting something...thankfully he didn't. (BUT, i did have to explain to his parents at the end of the trip why i wasn't going to marry him. that was just awkward. i felt horrible.)
i obviously didn't get married on the trip, but i think i came just about as close as you can. i even picked who was going to be in the wedding and we had a bit of a bachelorette party in our hotel room/by the pool that night. [thank you Lord for this day!]
word spread about the marriage and i would see kids pointing and laughing or the kitchen ladies smiling at me whenever i turned around. it was pretty funny. my favorite lady "sign language" brought it up every day and would point at him then me and give me a hug :) she was great.
okay, that's all i got for this story. have fun with the comments :)
Friday, April 18, 2008
i'm a girl
okay, i'm going to try to tackle these stories in order of comments...except those of you who said all of them ha. sorry it's taken so long to post again. most of you probably know what's been going on with my grandpa and that's been consuming a lot of my time. thankfully, he's been doing a LOT better and hopefully that will continue.
let me start off this story by saying that i really only pulled the "i'm a girl" card a couple times. here are some pictures of me working, just to prove it :)
we helped build 8 trusses!
let me start off this story by saying that i really only pulled the "i'm a girl" card a couple times. here are some pictures of me working, just to prove it :)
we helped build 8 trusses!
ignore my face :)
okay, so now that i feel like i've proven myself a little bit i will go into more of a story/explanation.
it was my full intent to capitalize on the fact that i was the only high school girl going on this trip. why not?? :)
so the very first day, we got to the job site and jeff brady was telling people what they could help with and when he got to bailee and i, he suggested that we leave the job site and go work in the kitchen to prepare breakfast. what a brilliant idea! we were getting out of physical work already. we got to the kitchen and really had no way to communicate (nancy was there to help translate a little bit but she was running around doing other things to make breakfast etc.) with the ladies or ask them how we could help, so we pretty much just stood there. then one of the women came up to me (note: she didn't go up to bailee [aka JUMBO]) and asked if i was hungry. i'm never hungry, but said yes because that's obviously the polite thing to do and partially because "si" is usually the go-to answer when you aren't sure what to say in spanish ha. so about two minutes later the woman comes back with a plate full of breakfast for me. she served it to me about 10 or 15 minutes before anyone else...i would assume because i'm small and probably look, to them, like i need to eat :)
what does this have to do with being a girl? well...the guys came a few minutes later, after working for probably about an hour moving bricks and supplies and i had already eaten, having done nothing at all except watch and stand awkwardly. oh what a life :)
now, i really feel the need to say that i don't recall very many times (or even one time?) where i just said, "no i can't do this, i'm a girl..."
BUT... my lovely friend bailee definitely won some heaven points and creepy points by telling the boys how amazing they were for all of the hard work they were doing, as well as how funny, manly, strong, etc. they were. and i think the amount of times she did that is probably enough to blanket for me, or even the entire female population. haha it makes me proud.
[i think i remember once saying that i didn't want to do something because i was tired and one of the guys did it for me, but i really don't remember it. anyone know what that was? it's bugging me now.]
so this wasn't really the best story, sorry jer and everyone who read it. but the moral is, if you're a girl, you get the easier work and food first even (and especially) when you don't deserve it :)
it was my full intent to capitalize on the fact that i was the only high school girl going on this trip. why not?? :)
so the very first day, we got to the job site and jeff brady was telling people what they could help with and when he got to bailee and i, he suggested that we leave the job site and go work in the kitchen to prepare breakfast. what a brilliant idea! we were getting out of physical work already. we got to the kitchen and really had no way to communicate (nancy was there to help translate a little bit but she was running around doing other things to make breakfast etc.) with the ladies or ask them how we could help, so we pretty much just stood there. then one of the women came up to me (note: she didn't go up to bailee [aka JUMBO]) and asked if i was hungry. i'm never hungry, but said yes because that's obviously the polite thing to do and partially because "si" is usually the go-to answer when you aren't sure what to say in spanish ha. so about two minutes later the woman comes back with a plate full of breakfast for me. she served it to me about 10 or 15 minutes before anyone else...i would assume because i'm small and probably look, to them, like i need to eat :)
what does this have to do with being a girl? well...the guys came a few minutes later, after working for probably about an hour moving bricks and supplies and i had already eaten, having done nothing at all except watch and stand awkwardly. oh what a life :)
now, i really feel the need to say that i don't recall very many times (or even one time?) where i just said, "no i can't do this, i'm a girl..."
BUT... my lovely friend bailee definitely won some heaven points and creepy points by telling the boys how amazing they were for all of the hard work they were doing, as well as how funny, manly, strong, etc. they were. and i think the amount of times she did that is probably enough to blanket for me, or even the entire female population. haha it makes me proud.
[i think i remember once saying that i didn't want to do something because i was tired and one of the guys did it for me, but i really don't remember it. anyone know what that was? it's bugging me now.]
so this wasn't really the best story, sorry jer and everyone who read it. but the moral is, if you're a girl, you get the easier work and food first even (and especially) when you don't deserve it :)
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
choose your own adventure, honduras style
so i want to blog about a lot of different things about the trip but i DON'T want to #1 be boring and #2 be sitting here typing for 12 hours straight.
so here's what i've decided to do- i'm going to post a list of possible blog topics and you can leave a comment about which ones you want to hear more about. some will be really quick stories or jokes and others may take some further explanation. pictures will be included with each specific post. i'll try to write about as many as you ask for. so leave comments and tell me what to write about, and for those of you who went on the trip, enjoy the memories and laughs that will be sparked from this list [and remind me if i forget anything]! :)
so here's what i've decided to do- i'm going to post a list of possible blog topics and you can leave a comment about which ones you want to hear more about. some will be really quick stories or jokes and others may take some further explanation. pictures will be included with each specific post. i'll try to write about as many as you ask for. so leave comments and tell me what to write about, and for those of you who went on the trip, enjoy the memories and laughs that will be sparked from this list [and remind me if i forget anything]! :)
- the process of building the church
- the first service in the church
- traveling- bus rides, airports, etc
- papa leslie
- brothers in roatan
- serio!
- i'm a girl
- "we call those 'players' in america"
- how many times will glen say gringos?
- women will go to hell if they wear jeans...
- molestation monster
- i hope you have more than 5 minutes of happiness
- the clap
- matrimonia??
Thursday, March 13, 2008
sad, but true
i've had a huge desire to write and blog recently but i can't seem to find the time. finals are here and i'm trying to catch up on anything that isn't done as well as finish up final projects and such. i really want to write about several things, but unfortunately i don't have the time to sit and do it. hopefully by the time i go on break i will still have these thoughts and inspirations and i'll be able to write about them. but for now, i need to try to channel my desire to write "recreationally" into a desire to write my 12 page paper...
Thursday, March 6, 2008
short, sweet, and to the point...that's how i roll
one of the latest compliments to my writing was this:
"...very clear and interesting."
i have heard that same comment many times. when i write, i do my best to get my point across as clearly as i can. i edit and re-edit in order to make every sentence say what it needs to, and not much more. but when i write entire papers i tend to be repetitive and, in my opinion, boring.
as much as i like to be clear on concise, i think i'm missing a lot of the fun and creative side of writing. i don't use my vocabulary as much as i could in my writing. it seems to me that everything i write (no matter what the requirements are) is written like a research paper or a textbook. it's informative and maybe interesting, but not recreational, fun reading.
i am jealous of my friends who can write what they want to say, but make it sound elegant or fun. i aspire to write like that.
i would never choose to read the things i write. not because i'm the writer and i think they suck, but because they aren't the types of things that would catch my attention and beg me to read them.
why isn't my writing style reflective of my reading preferences?
why isn't my writing style reflective of my reading preferences?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
today = spring.
today totally feels like spring to me. it's beautiful and sunny outside and the air is crisp. i went out and took a few pictures after school. here are a couple of my favorites:
it has been a really good day so far. first of all, it's wednesday and i love wednesdays. they are fun and not too busy with school/work. we have a workshop in my english class today and since i finished my paper last night, i have a few hours of free time before class, thus the picture taking and blog :) i usually get out of class about an hour early on workshop days too. yay! i've been keeping up with my homework really well lately. i've never been the kind of student who turns assignments in late or unfinished but i've been cutting it pretty close the past few weeks and it feels good to get back into a steady routine of getting my work done before it needs to be. as part of this new wave of responsibility, i've been doing all of my math homework and really focusing on it. i didn't do too well in math last semester so i'm hoping to try a little harder this time. i had a quiz two days ago that i felt prepared for and studied for and i got my grade back today. i got a 94%!! seriously, that NEVER happens. i was sooo happy :)
on another note...
we had an interesting discussion in my rock and roll class yesterday. the question was "why are americans more tolerant of violence than sex in the media/pop culture?"
it was sparked by david bowie not being able to make it in america (at first) because of his "unacceptable" make-up and dressing styles etc. he was doing an interview and said that eh didn't think americans were able to accept him as an idol or star because he was the first person to really identify himself as bisexual or homosexual. this wasn't a problem in europe, so why was it a problem here?
there was a girl in my class who was convinced that christianity (not just religion in general, but christianity) was the root of the problem. her argument was ridiculous and taken completely out of context and it got on my nerves, but what could i do? i mean if someone disagrees with my religious beliefs and doesn't understand the bible from a christian point of view, of course they're going to take things out of context. some of it was so far off that it was funny and almost sad. i'm glad nathan was there for this discussion so i could share a few laughs with a fellow christian :)
since we ran out of class time, we never came up with a good/satisfactory answer for this question (if there is one) and we're planning to continue it tomorrow. hopefully we'll be able to because several people had some thoughts and insights that i'd be interested in hearing again.
it has been a really good day so far. first of all, it's wednesday and i love wednesdays. they are fun and not too busy with school/work. we have a workshop in my english class today and since i finished my paper last night, i have a few hours of free time before class, thus the picture taking and blog :) i usually get out of class about an hour early on workshop days too. yay! i've been keeping up with my homework really well lately. i've never been the kind of student who turns assignments in late or unfinished but i've been cutting it pretty close the past few weeks and it feels good to get back into a steady routine of getting my work done before it needs to be. as part of this new wave of responsibility, i've been doing all of my math homework and really focusing on it. i didn't do too well in math last semester so i'm hoping to try a little harder this time. i had a quiz two days ago that i felt prepared for and studied for and i got my grade back today. i got a 94%!! seriously, that NEVER happens. i was sooo happy :)
on another note...
we had an interesting discussion in my rock and roll class yesterday. the question was "why are americans more tolerant of violence than sex in the media/pop culture?"
it was sparked by david bowie not being able to make it in america (at first) because of his "unacceptable" make-up and dressing styles etc. he was doing an interview and said that eh didn't think americans were able to accept him as an idol or star because he was the first person to really identify himself as bisexual or homosexual. this wasn't a problem in europe, so why was it a problem here?
there was a girl in my class who was convinced that christianity (not just religion in general, but christianity) was the root of the problem. her argument was ridiculous and taken completely out of context and it got on my nerves, but what could i do? i mean if someone disagrees with my religious beliefs and doesn't understand the bible from a christian point of view, of course they're going to take things out of context. some of it was so far off that it was funny and almost sad. i'm glad nathan was there for this discussion so i could share a few laughs with a fellow christian :)
since we ran out of class time, we never came up with a good/satisfactory answer for this question (if there is one) and we're planning to continue it tomorrow. hopefully we'll be able to because several people had some thoughts and insights that i'd be interested in hearing again.
Monday, February 11, 2008
i always knew music was hiding somewhere inside me
all you really have to do is look at my family to know that music is practically the blood that pumps through us every day and keeps us going. everyone in my family can play an instrument and or/sing (actually, we can all sing but jon and i prefer keeping that to ourselves :). for those of you who don't know, i took piano lessons for 7 years when i was younger.
"what? 7 years? she must be really good!"
you wish! ha. i really don't consider myself a musician of any kind since i quit piano in 6th grade and haven't gone back. i never had a huge interest in any other instruments either so i didn't pick up anything else up when i quit. i was just done. i don't know why, but i didn't care about music nearly as much as everyone else in my family. i loved listening to it, talking about it, singing along, but i did NOT want to play it. maybe i didn't want to be "one of the williams" who could all play an instrument and created the big family band (a funny thought...). i don't remember feeling that way, but i think there's a possibility that as the youngest, i wanted to be different and have something that was my own, not my family's. i played basketball and really enjoyed it and that was enough for me.
well now i have also quit basketball and i kind of wish i was playing music. i know, everyone says that they wish they would have just stuck with it when they were young, but i don't. i'm glad i quit when i did and i'm glad i tried other things in it's place. but now, so much in my life seems to be revolving around music. my classes, my job, my spare time, everything. there are times that i wish i could do more than just sing (to myself...ha). the singing/not singing is another story for another time.
all of that to lead up to this- i wrote a song last night. i was in bed reading psalms and ran across a section that i had underlined a lot and many of the phrases jumped out at me again, so i started writing them down in my notebook. as i looked over all of them, i began to put them in different orders and as i did this, i started to create a rhythm in my mind for them. my intention wasn't to write a song, but as the rhythm came, i started also create a tune. i got the words put together in the way that i wanted them and just worked with the tune until it fit. i sang it several times before i fell asleep so that i would hopefully remember it this morning. it worked and i remembered how it went so after school i came home and no one was here so i sat down at the piano and started finding the tune again. first i was just playing the melody with one hand, but as i got more familiar and started remembering some of my old piano training, i was able to play some extra stuff with my left hand and make it sound pretty good. i'm very surprised that i was able to put it together in my brain and actually get it written out on paper.
is anyone else making the connection that i made when i sat down to write this blog?? just wondering...
i wrote a song last night. that means i wrote the music. that means i wrote the lyrics.
anyone catching on?
i didn't have a specific audience in mind when i wrote this song. it wasn't written to please a certain group of people. but, on the other hand, it doesn't have extremely special meaning to me. i didn't write it because i'm having some sort of issue in my life and i needed to get it out. i wrote it because some words and phrases stuck out to me. so i suppose, the song and more specifically the lyrics, have more meaning to me, the writer, than they do to any audience who would hear them.
you better have caught on by now :)
i don't know if this music writing experience will help me or hurt me in my essay writing, but hopefully it will help. i don't find the lyrics i wrote to be profound or wonderful, but i do know why i wrote them and who they were intended for.
maybe now i will be able to look at my topic from a new angle and be able to determine how i feel about it more concretely.
"what? 7 years? she must be really good!"
you wish! ha. i really don't consider myself a musician of any kind since i quit piano in 6th grade and haven't gone back. i never had a huge interest in any other instruments either so i didn't pick up anything else up when i quit. i was just done. i don't know why, but i didn't care about music nearly as much as everyone else in my family. i loved listening to it, talking about it, singing along, but i did NOT want to play it. maybe i didn't want to be "one of the williams" who could all play an instrument and created the big family band (a funny thought...). i don't remember feeling that way, but i think there's a possibility that as the youngest, i wanted to be different and have something that was my own, not my family's. i played basketball and really enjoyed it and that was enough for me.
well now i have also quit basketball and i kind of wish i was playing music. i know, everyone says that they wish they would have just stuck with it when they were young, but i don't. i'm glad i quit when i did and i'm glad i tried other things in it's place. but now, so much in my life seems to be revolving around music. my classes, my job, my spare time, everything. there are times that i wish i could do more than just sing (to myself...ha). the singing/not singing is another story for another time.
all of that to lead up to this- i wrote a song last night. i was in bed reading psalms and ran across a section that i had underlined a lot and many of the phrases jumped out at me again, so i started writing them down in my notebook. as i looked over all of them, i began to put them in different orders and as i did this, i started to create a rhythm in my mind for them. my intention wasn't to write a song, but as the rhythm came, i started also create a tune. i got the words put together in the way that i wanted them and just worked with the tune until it fit. i sang it several times before i fell asleep so that i would hopefully remember it this morning. it worked and i remembered how it went so after school i came home and no one was here so i sat down at the piano and started finding the tune again. first i was just playing the melody with one hand, but as i got more familiar and started remembering some of my old piano training, i was able to play some extra stuff with my left hand and make it sound pretty good. i'm very surprised that i was able to put it together in my brain and actually get it written out on paper.
is anyone else making the connection that i made when i sat down to write this blog?? just wondering...
i wrote a song last night. that means i wrote the music. that means i wrote the lyrics.
anyone catching on?
i didn't have a specific audience in mind when i wrote this song. it wasn't written to please a certain group of people. but, on the other hand, it doesn't have extremely special meaning to me. i didn't write it because i'm having some sort of issue in my life and i needed to get it out. i wrote it because some words and phrases stuck out to me. so i suppose, the song and more specifically the lyrics, have more meaning to me, the writer, than they do to any audience who would hear them.
you better have caught on by now :)
i don't know if this music writing experience will help me or hurt me in my essay writing, but hopefully it will help. i don't find the lyrics i wrote to be profound or wonderful, but i do know why i wrote them and who they were intended for.
maybe now i will be able to look at my topic from a new angle and be able to determine how i feel about it more concretely.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
senior project
this is my idea for my senior project:
coordinate kids alive this summer (of course with the help and direction of rima). i think this would be a great thing to do as my project because it can be pretty directly related to what i want to do after high school (become a teacher, for anyone who didn't know...). i think it would be fun to work on kids alive and help put it together this year instead of just being a leader for one of the groups.
rima and i have spent some time talking about the curriculum for this year and i've chosen my favorite ones so far and given my input...it looks like it could be pretty cool. we've also talked about some possibilities for a group of youth to take on kids alive instead of adults. that conversation came about before my senior project idea did, but i think it would still be cool to have a group of high schoolers who are the core leaders of the whole week instead of just adults.
here are my thoughts on having hs leaders, not adults:
coordinate kids alive this summer (of course with the help and direction of rima). i think this would be a great thing to do as my project because it can be pretty directly related to what i want to do after high school (become a teacher, for anyone who didn't know...). i think it would be fun to work on kids alive and help put it together this year instead of just being a leader for one of the groups.
rima and i have spent some time talking about the curriculum for this year and i've chosen my favorite ones so far and given my input...it looks like it could be pretty cool. we've also talked about some possibilities for a group of youth to take on kids alive instead of adults. that conversation came about before my senior project idea did, but i think it would still be cool to have a group of high schoolers who are the core leaders of the whole week instead of just adults.
here are my thoughts on having hs leaders, not adults:
- the younger kids already look up to us, as high schoolers at church etc., even if we don't realize it
- kids learn by example...especially the example of those they look up to. US.
- this could be a great experience for us- building leadership skills, trusting God for ideas and direction, loving one another
- building big/little sister/brother relationships within the church- discipleship starting at a young age
overall, i think it would beneficial for everyone involved if kids alive was led by a group of students, not adults. i'm still praying about this whole idea, but at this point, i think i'm ready to take it on.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
organizing my thoughts
i have a 12-15 page paper to write for my english 102 class and i'm getting started on my brainstorming and stuff. i'm hoping that if i put some of my ideas on here i will be able to get feedback on what is good/bad, expandable, etc. please comment or talk to me if you have some thoughts. here's my topic (justin, you're gonna love this)- should music lyrics be written for an audience (i.e.- easy to listen to, understand, sing along with, "grab a hold of"...) or should they be written with meaning to the author?
first of all, since my paper needs to be argumentative in nature, i need to figure out which "side" i will take. i can easily come up with a "gray area" sort of answer, but it needs to be black and white...
here are my thoughts/ideas, as well as some toss-ups about which side to take:
i'm really excited about this paper, i just hope i can pull it off with some good arguments. i will most likely be posting more ideas and stuff as i come up with them. and if you're at all interested, i'll post some kind of outline when i have one...
on another note:
i hope to put some pictures up in a couple days. i've been using my camera a lot lately and i'm starting to get some shots that i like. hopefully i'll get some really good ones soon that i can post.
first of all, since my paper needs to be argumentative in nature, i need to figure out which "side" i will take. i can easily come up with a "gray area" sort of answer, but it needs to be black and white...
here are my thoughts/ideas, as well as some toss-ups about which side to take:
- if lyrics are not made clear to the audience, the could easily be misinterpreted
- if someone is going to take the time and effort to write a song with meaning in their life, it is lame that people will inevitably take it in the wrong way and the author will be misinterpreted and misunderstood. in a way, he/she is having other people's words put in their mouth when lyrics aren't taken the right way
- lyrics are very contextual
- if a song isn't written to please an audience, who's going to listen to it?
- lyrics still need to be deep and have meaning, but they should be somewhat easy to understand
- if lyrics are too simple, they could cause people (especially younger generations) to think less and essentially do less on a worldwide level (to use this bullet, i would need to be able to quickly, but persuasively prove that music/lyrics have that level of an effect on young people...hmm)
i'm really excited about this paper, i just hope i can pull it off with some good arguments. i will most likely be posting more ideas and stuff as i come up with them. and if you're at all interested, i'll post some kind of outline when i have one...
on another note:
i hope to put some pictures up in a couple days. i've been using my camera a lot lately and i'm starting to get some shots that i like. hopefully i'll get some really good ones soon that i can post.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Cornel West
today in my english 102 class we watched a speech given by Cornel West. (if you haven't heard of him, go find him on youtube and listen to a speech or interview or something. he's amazing.) this particular speech was about being part of a progressive movement in america that works toward removing dogmas duch as white supremacy, male dominance, religious discrimination, homophobia etc. from society and essentially creating equality for everyone.
this is the general focus of our entire class this quarter which is pretty interesting to me, but could potentially be something i get tired of because it's becoming something we talk too much about and can't seem to find a way to do anything about it.
i really enjoyed the speech. West was so passionate and fiery about everything he was saying. he wants to make huge changes in society and i think it's great that he is willing to pour himself into something that most people would render hopeless at first glance. as a christian, he brings religion into the picture in a different way than many speakers would. he essentially says that people need to show the compassion and love that Jesus showed throughout his life and that without that love and compassion, nothing can be done to better the situation we are in.
i thought this was really cool because it was a challenge to me (or any other christian listening to him speak). we, as christians, need to be the leaders in showing love and compassion to everyone. we need to be the first to set aside our differences and be compassionate and loving to anyone and everyone we come in contact with so that the rest of the world can see and follow that example.
that's what i was left with after english today. not what i expected to take out of that class today...but i'm glad i did.
let me just say one more thing...
i love black people. seriously. they are my favorite. i am going to marry a black man. mark my words. :)
they are so passionate about what they believe and they're not afraid to talk about it. how many white people do you see with that same passion and attitude about things? honestly, i can't think of many white people who will stand up for what they believe in and tell you what you don't want to hear even when you need to. this is one of the things i loved so much about visiting jeff's church. there was no sugar coating and you left with the feeling that you needed to change something about your life for the better. conviction? hm.
this is the general focus of our entire class this quarter which is pretty interesting to me, but could potentially be something i get tired of because it's becoming something we talk too much about and can't seem to find a way to do anything about it.
i really enjoyed the speech. West was so passionate and fiery about everything he was saying. he wants to make huge changes in society and i think it's great that he is willing to pour himself into something that most people would render hopeless at first glance. as a christian, he brings religion into the picture in a different way than many speakers would. he essentially says that people need to show the compassion and love that Jesus showed throughout his life and that without that love and compassion, nothing can be done to better the situation we are in.
i thought this was really cool because it was a challenge to me (or any other christian listening to him speak). we, as christians, need to be the leaders in showing love and compassion to everyone. we need to be the first to set aside our differences and be compassionate and loving to anyone and everyone we come in contact with so that the rest of the world can see and follow that example.
that's what i was left with after english today. not what i expected to take out of that class today...but i'm glad i did.
let me just say one more thing...
i love black people. seriously. they are my favorite. i am going to marry a black man. mark my words. :)
they are so passionate about what they believe and they're not afraid to talk about it. how many white people do you see with that same passion and attitude about things? honestly, i can't think of many white people who will stand up for what they believe in and tell you what you don't want to hear even when you need to. this is one of the things i loved so much about visiting jeff's church. there was no sugar coating and you left with the feeling that you needed to change something about your life for the better. conviction? hm.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
sorry it's been so long...
(i think i'm done with the song thing for now)
so i'm in a ridiculously good mood right now.
why? honestly, i'm not completely sure. i'm just happy.
the plane tickets for honduras were purchased today. that's great and just makes the trip feel so much more real. i can't wait! it's going to be so much fun and there will be lots to learn.
there's a lot going on in my life right now that's really exciting to me. i've started reading the Bible a lot more lately and it's been amazing. God has been showing me a ton of stuff about myself and just life in general and i don't even have words to describe what i'm feeling. it's so great. i've realized that pretty much all of these exciting things are related somehow to my growing relationship with God. i will write more about what all of these things are, but not now...simply because i'm still praying about them and making sure they're the right choices and what God really wants me to proceed with.
i've seen some pretty massive changes in my attitude and behavior in the past few weeks and i'm loving it. it's amazing what you can learn when you let God in and ask Him to guide you.
i'm really excited to post some more specific blogs. hopefully it'll happen this weekend. right now i just need to focus on my dumb math final. ha
so i'm in a ridiculously good mood right now.
why? honestly, i'm not completely sure. i'm just happy.
the plane tickets for honduras were purchased today. that's great and just makes the trip feel so much more real. i can't wait! it's going to be so much fun and there will be lots to learn.
there's a lot going on in my life right now that's really exciting to me. i've started reading the Bible a lot more lately and it's been amazing. God has been showing me a ton of stuff about myself and just life in general and i don't even have words to describe what i'm feeling. it's so great. i've realized that pretty much all of these exciting things are related somehow to my growing relationship with God. i will write more about what all of these things are, but not now...simply because i'm still praying about them and making sure they're the right choices and what God really wants me to proceed with.
i've seen some pretty massive changes in my attitude and behavior in the past few weeks and i'm loving it. it's amazing what you can learn when you let God in and ask Him to guide you.
i'm really excited to post some more specific blogs. hopefully it'll happen this weekend. right now i just need to focus on my dumb math final. ha
Thursday, January 3, 2008
your power and love is clearly shown throughout the earth
You Save Me
i feel your loving arms surround me
your hands, they hold me close to you
with perfect eyes you're watching out for me
your warm embrace is ever-present
i fly so high upheld by you
i sink into a warm and loving rest
jesus, you are my protector
you have stationed every angel around me
jesus, you are my provider
you are everything that i will ever need
you save me
when i am tired you come renew me
your heart and hands restore my soul
you lead me to a place of quiet rest
holy spirit, i surrender everything i am to you
my joy, my strength, my life are in your hands
You Are Lord
in every breath i take
i receive the gift of life from you, oh god
in every step i take
i feel the love you freely give to me, oh god
and our voices sing out loud and strong
to thank you for your marvelous, boundless love
all through our darkest night we raise this song of praise
for you goodness and your might
your name, oh god, be praised on high
your power and love is clearly shown throughout the earth
your name, oh god, be lifted up on high
forever we your people will proclaim:
you are lord!
Jesus, Be the First
jesus, be the first, be my guiding light
everywhere you lead i will follow
i pushed you away, gave you second place
now come be the first again
jesus, i need you more than anything i can see
precious jesus, i want you to be my all in all, my king
jesus be the first, go before me now
i will walk behind in your footprints
i pushed you away, gave you second place
now come be the first again
please come be the first again
[begin confusion/sadness]
it's really hard for me to sing these songs anymore. i love them and i think they should still be sung, but i cry every time i hear them. they are so true and great, but seem like such a misleading lie.
i'm having a really hard time putting words to the feelings i have about them right now, so i'm going to stop trying for now.
some of you will understand this post better than others, but just wait for the comment revealing the author of these words and maybe it will make more sense.
[the confusion and sadness will never end]
i feel your loving arms surround me
your hands, they hold me close to you
with perfect eyes you're watching out for me
your warm embrace is ever-present
i fly so high upheld by you
i sink into a warm and loving rest
jesus, you are my protector
you have stationed every angel around me
jesus, you are my provider
you are everything that i will ever need
you save me
when i am tired you come renew me
your heart and hands restore my soul
you lead me to a place of quiet rest
holy spirit, i surrender everything i am to you
my joy, my strength, my life are in your hands
You Are Lord
in every breath i take
i receive the gift of life from you, oh god
in every step i take
i feel the love you freely give to me, oh god
and our voices sing out loud and strong
to thank you for your marvelous, boundless love
all through our darkest night we raise this song of praise
for you goodness and your might
your name, oh god, be praised on high
your power and love is clearly shown throughout the earth
your name, oh god, be lifted up on high
forever we your people will proclaim:
you are lord!
Jesus, Be the First
jesus, be the first, be my guiding light
everywhere you lead i will follow
i pushed you away, gave you second place
now come be the first again
jesus, i need you more than anything i can see
precious jesus, i want you to be my all in all, my king
jesus be the first, go before me now
i will walk behind in your footprints
i pushed you away, gave you second place
now come be the first again
please come be the first again
[begin confusion/sadness]
it's really hard for me to sing these songs anymore. i love them and i think they should still be sung, but i cry every time i hear them. they are so true and great, but seem like such a misleading lie.
i'm having a really hard time putting words to the feelings i have about them right now, so i'm going to stop trying for now.
some of you will understand this post better than others, but just wait for the comment revealing the author of these words and maybe it will make more sense.
[the confusion and sadness will never end]
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